Thursday, March 3, 2011

Mirror, Mirror, Yes You Are!

Tasty Tidbit #1  Mama’s Got a Brand New Bag
            Well, maybe not a bag, but I did finally get myself a new computer.  Turns out there might be a reason behind all the madness after all.  Went to Best Buy after three attempts to purchase a computer from Wally World.  Truth be told, I was being picky.  I wanted what I wanted and I wasn’t going to be happy until I got it.  I’m happy now.  I wanted a white computer, something smaller, light, that my fingers could easily hit the keys.  I have my husband’s computer but the thing barely works and the keys are spaced so far apart, it was frustrating to type on.  That is exactly what I got and I am so happy!  Now I can start posting from home again, as soon as I get internet service.  I was starting to wonder if The Other Six Days was going to turn into the other six weeks.  Just thought I would share, more good stuff coming!

Tasty Tidbit #2 New Commitments
            Last week after a conversation with friends I realized that I wasn’t working toward my goal of being a writer.  Technically, I am a writer, but what was I doing to move forward in that goal.  The truth was nothing.  Yes, I sit down and write this blog, but besides that there was no effort on my part to further my ambitions of writing.  I decided that I needed to make a commitment to myself to write every day.  So I did.  I decided that I would write every day for a minimum of one hour.  Believe me, day two I was beating my head into the desk, but damn it I did it.  I have managed to keep my daily goal thus far and hope to continue doing so.               

Mirror, Mirror, Yes You Are
            This week has been one of those weeks when the same subject keeps coming up, and no I’m not talking about Charlie Sheen, although I think he’s my hero.  What makes this so much fun is the fact that I actually wrote this blog last Friday morning.  It just feels like the Universe is falling into line with me, or maybe we are just falling into line with each other, because every conversation this week has been around the same subject.  The conversations are technically two parts.  One part is about is that no one can make us happy; we are all responsible for our own happiness.  The second part is the fact that we are all mirrors for each other.  Friday morning I was feeling a little blue because there was a certain someone who I was hoping would read and respond to this blog, but the person didn’t.  Since making my new commitment to write every day, I thought it would be a good idea to journal out my feelings.  Better out than in.  Why not spew on the paper, instead of on some innocent bystander?  Anyway, one thing that I realized I have to keep in mind is that my happiness must come from me.  If I look to another person for my happiness, I will be disappointed because that person will never be able to fulfill my expectations, only I can do that.  It is unfair for me to place those expectations on another person, to me that means that I am not allowing them to be who they truly are, but instead trying to make them be who I want them to be. 
            When we complain about someone, it’s usually because we have placed our perspective or expectations on that person.  It may also be that we see something in that person that we dislike in ourselves, but more on that later.  I am not saying that you can’t or shouldn’t be able to rely on other people for support, but don’t rely on people to give you self-satisfaction or self-esteem.  These are things that you must find within yourself and for yourself.  No one can give them to you and no one can do the work for you.  We are here to work together, to learn from each other and to participate in each other’s happiness, not create it.  Let me give you a personal example from the life of Sara.  I love getting flowers.  It makes me feel special and loved.  Don’t know why, just a chick thing I guess.  It doesn’t have to be roses, hell if you went out and picked me some dandelions I would be happy.  Anyway, for a long time I found myself disappointed and yes, angry that my husband rarely brought home flowers.  Usually they showed up after a fight or occasionally on a birthday or anniversary.  Me, I wanted flowers all the time. So, I was walking through the store one day and happened to be passing the flowers. My initial reaction was the pity party, why don’t I ever get flowers; if he would just remember to buy them I would be so much happier.  My second thought was why the hell didn’t I just buy my own flowers and make myself happy, instead of waiting and wanting someone to make me happy.  I started buying my own flowers and I was a lot happier for it.  I realized that I was placing an expectation on my husband, if you really loved me you would remember to buy me flowers.  But that’s not how my husband expresses or shows his love, so he couldn’t fulfill my expectation, so there was tension and unhappiness.  When I started buying myself flowers and showing myself love, the tension eased and happiness returned.  The turbulence caused by my needing my husband to fulfill my expectations, at least on the subject of flowers, dissolved.
            The second part of this week’s blog is the mirror bit, and it ties in nicely with you have to make yourself happy.  As I mentioned before when we complain about someone, usually it’s for one of two reasons.  The first reason is that we have placed our expectations on them, and that person is not fulfilling those expectations.  The second is that we are looking at people and seeing something in them, that we can’t stand about ourselves.  Here’s another for instance.  My husband is smart, I mean off the charts smart.  But he doesn’t do anything with that super brain of his.  He doesn’t like school and he sort of drifts through life.  He does what he needs to do to take care of his family, but he has no ambitions, except to be a Wal-Mart greeter when he retires from the military.  It annoys the crap out of me.  Here is a guy with some much intelligence just wasting it.  Then I went to breakfast with some friends.  During the conversation, it was brought up that some people stay in school because they are too afraid to walk into the “real” world.  Yes, thank you 2x4 for that one.
            I realized, after that little breakfast talk, that I was exactly like my husband.  I’m intelligent, yet I don’t do a whole lot with it.  I am sort of drifting, and I really didn’t have any goals, not even the greeter goal.  I have been in school for longer than I will ever admit on a blog, and have not really accomplished much of anything.  I kept saying that I wanted to be a writer, but when I sat down and looked at what I was doing to accomplish that goal, the answer was nothing.  So, I guess I kind of had a goal, but no motivation or action behind it.  It wasn’t fun to look at, let me tell you.  I knew at that moment that my husband was a mirror for me.  I sat at my desk and made a list of things that annoyed me about my husband. That might sound harsh, but I knew that by making that list I would be able to find areas of my life that were stagnate and that need to be turned around.  Like I said before, if it’s annoying you about someone else, even if you don’t want to look at it or admit it, it’s probably the same annoying thing inside you.  I knew that looking at the list would be beneficial for me, not a criticism toward my husband. 
            As I wrote the list out, the mirror began reflecting like you wouldn’t believe.  I saw several things that when I took the time to examine them, were most definitely in me, not just my husband.  I made myself sit there and write out how I thought a particular thing was reflected to me and why and then if it was something that I desired to change, I wrote down different ways that I could begin changing.  I made sure to take it in baby steps; I didn’t want to overwhelm myself because that would defeat the purpose. In a way, doing this exercise brought me a lot of relief.  It also brought me a lot of clarity, not only about myself, but about my husband.  It helped me understand better where he was coming from.  That of course made me wonder, if he is a mirror for me, am I a mirror for him?  Even more fun, what am I reflecting for him?  He would be the only one that could answer that, but it is fun to think about. 
            So what expectations are you putting on other people?  What are you doing to make yourself happy?  I think people should make it a point to do something once a week that makes them happy.  We don’t often take time out for ourselves; instead we put that expectation on other people.  Look at your partner, your co-workers, your friends, what are they reflecting to you?  Are there things that you see in them that might be lurking in your own personality but you haven’t wanted to admit it?  Take some time to actually notice what the people around you are trying to show/teach you through reflection and we will all begin growing at exceptional speeds.


  1. You always surprise me! Not by how wonderfully creative that mind of yours is, but how you weave together all the thoughts, conversations, discussions, etc., from the week! Not only that, you manage to find the common theme and put the pieces together like a jigsaw puzzle! AND... also manage to help the rest of us learn! I'm grateful to have you as my friend! So hmm... let's see about that list.... :D

  2. This is just what I needed to hear... I've known for a whle that I am the only one that can make me happy, but the whole mirror thing, whew!!!! That's a hard one to think about!!! So what about reverse mirrors? Cause I seem to be the reverse of a lot of things for my hubby....