Heart's Desire

Tasty Tidbit #1:  Alton Goes Big Time  

            Take a moment with me and imagine 2,000 bars of soap.  Yes, that’s right 2,000.  Let me just say, that’s a lot of soap.  I have been honored to watch a friend grow her business to where it is now, and where it is going.  Believe me its growing exponentially.  The word, unstoppable comes to mind.  Only because I forgot to ask her permission am I not posting her website address here, but I did want to give her a shout out.  I bow to your soap making greatness and smile at the thought of your continued success.  Have fun!!

Heart’s Desire

            Today was another one of those days when a casual conversation turns into a blog.  Earlier in the week I had been chatting with my friends that I was concerned I was repeating myself with this blog.  I was also concerned that I had run out of material, hence the repeating.  They dismissed that notion, but they are a bit biased, god love ‘em.  I kicked a couple of ideas around in my head, but nothing felt right.  If it doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t make the cut.  Today however an idea did present itself.  The tough thing with this blog is that sometimes I want to convey an idea, or personal belief, but I’m lacking in the word department.  I know, I’m a writer, but still sometimes there just aren’t words.  I am concerned that tonight will be one of those nights when I write, full of enthusiasm, but short on actual words.  I hope the message is still received by those who are supposed to get it.  So with no further delay, I like to talk about your heart.  Not your physical heart, but your spiritual gooey heart.  If you haven’t noticed by now, I tend to talk a lot about vision boards, manifestation, and co-creation.  This is something similar to all that, with a slightly different twist to it.  Excuse me while I step onto my soapbox.  Shall we begin?

            I was in the kitchen talking with Teresa today about manifestation.  I was explaining a situation that I had just recently noticed.  Isn’t it funny that just by bouncing something off a friend we can come up with new ideas and explanations?  Anyway, I was telling her that I had gone to the Rosetta Stone website.  For those of you who don’t know, Rosetta Stone is a company, probably the top company, which specializes in helping you learn a language.  I love languages, and I love learning languages.  I was feeling that it was about time to practice my skills and learn something new.  As I looked at the list, I thought I should learn Spanish.  It was the language that stuck out to me as the most practical.  As I continued to look at the list I kept looking at French.  To those of you who know me that might be a bit funny, but the truth is I have always wanted to learn French.  I took French in summer school when I was very young, but choose Spanish in high school because all my friends took Spanish, you know the drill.  Inside me there was a tiny nudge toward the French, but I dismissed it because I thought, when would I ever use French, it’s not practical.  I guess I need to play a little bit more, if I’m getting that stiff-necked.  After looking at the French program for a bit, I finally allowed myself to accept that what I really wanted to do was learn French.

            Things started popping almost instantly.  I left that website and headed to another to look for furniture.  On the front of the webpage was a contest to win a trip to France.  I entered of course, and took note of the “coincidence.”  That it happened thirty seconds after I admitted what I truly wanted did not escape my attention.  The next day, I was walking through a store and I kept seeing Eiffel Towers and Paris stuff everywhere.  I was not looking for anything like that in particular, it just kept popping up.  It seemed like it was almost throwing itself in my path for me to see it. 

            I started talking with Teresa about it, because it occurred to me that learning French had not just been something that I was interested in doing, but was a true heart’s desire.  When I accepted it and aligned with that desire, the Universe responded instantly to that personal truth.  All of those decorations had probably been in that store the many times I have been there before, however, I was more consciously aware of them being there, and to me at least, it seemed like the Universe pulled those things to my attention to remind me of what I wanted.  I have never had a desire to travel to France, though I wouldn’t mind it if it was on a travel itinerary, which is another reason why I thought learning French would be a waste of time; however, the Universe seemed to be affirming that path.  At least, the path of learning French.  My question was why do some things seem to line up so quickly and others seem to take a long time to get to us, if they get to us at all? 

            I don’t believe there is an easy one shot answer to these questions.  I think there is a multitude of things that play into it.  After today’s conversation I believe that what your heart desires, the Universe conspires.  Cute, I know.  When it’s truly in alignment, when it comes from your heart space, not your brain, that’s when we have Universe in motion.  It’s not the only time of course, but it just might be the quickest.  There are two problems with this: one, we tend to think we know what we desire most, and two, we often send the Universe conflicting messages.  I believe the Universal response to my wanting to learn French was so fast, was because I was clear about my desire. I simply accepted it and moved on.  Everything else just fell into place. Now, I don’t have a French class lined up yet, but who knows what tomorrow will bring. 

            If, however, we are unsure or unclear about what we want, or we keep changing our minds, we aren’t coming from our heart; most likely we are coming from our heads.  But Sara, you cry, I have wanted this or that with all my heart for years and it hasn’t happened.  Okay.  You’re going to have that.  Like I said there is more to this than just simply coming from the heart.  There could be Karma involved, lessons, or who knows.  Maybe the aliens don’t want you to have a fancy car.  I don’t have all the answers, I just know that in the instances where I have come from the heart space, the Universe has lined things up, and done it quickly.  There are times when I think things take a long time to get to us, because we think it takes a long time to get to us.  That is another can of worms that we are not going to open tonight.  

            My point is that you have to get to the heart of it.  Get there, accept it and let it go.  Only then can it possibly flow to you.  If you spend all day moaning because you want to learn French, but have no idea how that would happen, or how you would pay for classes, or that it would be pointless to learn, you are blocking the Universe and yourself from achieving what you want.  If you’re not sure if where an idea is coming from, whether head or heart, check it.  Take a moment to be still and ask, is this a heart’s desire or is this just something that is a passing fancy.  I’m not saying that ideas won’t come to you at head level, but I am saying always, always, always, (how about one more just for kicks) always, check with your heart.  And who knows, vous venez peut-être le créer! (You just might create it !)  (Hopefully, google translator got that right, lol!)

Tonight, I am also going to do something a little different, it's good to change things up.  Though it might change, I plan on next week's blog being called Vesica Piscis, The Space In-between.  How's that for a cookie?  See you next week! 

Spiritual Supplements

Tasty Tidbit #1: Client Participation

            This last weekend was the Galactic Expo in Nashville.  I look forward to this event every year, all year long.  It is a full weekend of playing in the metaphysical playground.  There are readers, all natural products, crystals, candles, and healers.  Typically, I don’t get energy work done at the expo, for a couple of reasons.  One, it’s loud.  Two, I don’t want an audience to my energy work.  Three, I am particular about who I allow to work on me; after all they are working with my energy.  After a great reading, the woman that was reading me suggested that I get some energy work from the woman working in the booth next to her.  The reader said that she had watched her work that day and the energy worker seemed very good.  Being the good little spiritual worker that I am I took her up on her suggestion.  I went to the woman; let’s call her Rose, who explained to me what she would do during the session.  I heard her say she worked with crystals, and she had some sprays for the chakras that she made, but I never heard her say anything about sound therapy. 

            I got on the table, lying in the open for anyone who walked by to see, and she said a prayer.  She then said she was ready to begin.  My eyes were closed and I was doing my best to relax, when I was frightened out of my body, literally!  All of a sudden there was this WWHOOP!! noise to the right of me.  I shot out of my body in the exact opposite direction of Rose, running for the spiritual hills.  Scared out of my body, I immediately called on my spiritual team to protect me from this insane woman.  I just kept thinking what have I got myself into, but the worst was yet to come.  She started making toning noises, for one of them she asked me if I could make the noise, and I said sure.  After a few seconds of me not making the noise, I didn’t realize I was supposed to, she said, make the noise!  What else was I going to do?  I made the noise.  I feel that I am pretty tone deaf so I was afraid of what tone was coming out of my mouth and how many people walking by could hear it.  For each chakra she had an affirmation.  Of this horrifying experience I can only remember two.  The first was the solar plexus.  She started making a higher pitched WWHHOOOOP noise (I kept envisioning a pterodactyl coming at me, I kept my eyes shut as tight as possible), and then she said “I live my life.”  I guess I’m a slow learner.  I didn’t say anything, so she says, “I LIVE MY LIFE!  SAY IT OUT LOUD! AFFIRM IT OUT LOUD!”  So, here I am in the middle of the expo, affirming I LIVE MY LIFE, so everyone can hear.  The other chakra that I could remember affirming was the sacral, for those of you who know your chakra’s you may already have an idea of what’s coming.  She gave me the affirmation, and again I was slow in responding, but after a couple say it out loud’s I was catching on. So, I said the affirmation for the whole expo to hear, “I PLEASURE MYSELF!” 

            It was a great expo!

 Tasty Tidbit #2: Learn to Receive or Lose it in the Washer

            I have a hard time receiving money.  I don’t mind if I get money for my birthday or some other holiday, but I don’t like taking money even when it’s owed to me.  For instance if I go out to pick up lunch for everyone, I never expect for people to pay me back.  They literally have to hide it in my purse, or shove it in my pocket, or down my throat for me to take it.  After the expo, Teresa gave me forty dollars for driving both days and for the lunch that I had just brought back.  I was my usual stubborn self and refused to take it at first.  She was insistent and stuck the money in the pocket of my hoodie.  I never put money there, so it’s not overly surprising that I forgot the money was in that pocket.  Several days later I was in the shower when it hit me that Teresa had put the money in my hoodie, and I had put my hoodie in the laundry.  The same laundry my husband had just brought back from the laundry mat.  I asked him if he had found any money when he was doing laundry.  He said that he had seen a bill flying around the dryer and was going to grab it when the clothes were dry.  When the dryer was done he shook all the clothes out but there was no money to be found.  His guess was that it had been sucked into the big commercial dryer vents.  I could have kicked my own ass.  If I had just accepted the money graciously, and put it in my purse I wouldn’t have flushed forty dollars down the toilet, or in this case, lost it to a dryer.  Lesson learned. 

Spiritual Supplements

            I almost lost this blog.  I sometimes write my blogs when I go to the laundry mat.  As explained in the above Tidbit, my husband went this time for me as I had a busy week and he had the day off.  This means that the big yellow pad that I write my laundry mat musings on (that sounds like the fun name of a story or something, maybe I’ll name a book of poetry that title), was moved from its place in the laundry basket to an unknown location.  To add to the situation, I have been rearranging my meditation/writing room, so I had no clue where I could have put it.  I figured I could either tear the house apart room by room starting with my room, or I could write the blog from memory. Thankfully I didn’t have to do either as the notepad was kind enough to place itself upside down underneath my printer table on the floor.  I have no idea how it got there, I’m just glad it was there.  I guess I could use some Gingko supplements as well.

            Lately, meaning the past couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking about going to church.  It’s not that I feel a religious need or anything like that.  Any church that I would attend would probably have to be non-denominational, not to mention open minded.  I don’t think I am looking for religion, but instead I am looking for spiritual fellowship.  Though I work at a shop where I get more than the average persons helping of spiritual talk, I still feel a longing for an even deeper connection.  At first the thought of going to church was troubling to me.  Like many people who are raised in religion and turn to a more spiritual path I was raised in hell fire and damnation.  My family didn’t go to church for church, we went to church because we were expected to go to church.  I remember I loved the music in church.  I loved to sing even though I wasn’t very good at it. 

            I loved the singing, but I was never a big fan of the sermon.  Number one, they were long.  I wasn’t a big fan of sitting still for long stretches.  Two, the sermons were terrifying for the most part.  Lectures on hell, the devil, and how God was always watching me.  He was like a mean Santa Clause.  He knew everything I did, and trust me I was on the naughty list, which of course meant that I was going to burn for eternity.  I would listen to those sermons and the visions of hell were quite clear to me.  I had and have a very vivid imagination.  If I messed up I’d be a servant to Satan for eternity.  At age ten, eternity was about my parent’s age, I couldn’t imagine being older than them.  I laugh now because today I’m the same age my parents were then.

            To me, God was the bully of the universe.  You better do what God said, give him your lunch money or else, and you didn’t want the or else part.  I wasn’t convinced that heaven was a nice place.  I didn’t see how it could be so wonderful with such a nasty landlord.  I figured my chances of getting into heaven were slim to none.  I might have been ten, but I knew I had already made too many mistakes to be forgiven.  I could see myself, covered in chains like the Marley brothers, dragging myself across the lava pits of hell, my skin burnt and blistered, spending an eternity begging God for forgiveness.  Like I said vivid imagination.  I was thirteen when my family stopped going to church.  We might have gone to a Christmas service or two, but the every Sunday routine stopped.  By the time that happened I had already stopped believing the bullcrap, and was well on my way to forging my own spiritual beliefs. 

            This new found need/desire to attend church caught me off guard.  I felt it necessary to give the inclination a thorough examination.  To be honest, I was concerned that living in the Bible Belt had finally gotten to me.  That was nonsense of course.  When I dug around, over and through the issue, I found it curious that I was seeking fellowship.  I was looking for a connection with a group.  Though I do get a lot of spiritual fruits from the shop it’s not quite enough to keep up with the hunger, I need a supplement.  Something to add to my spiritual experience.  I have no desire to go to church to be told how to worship or that I need Jesus or that God is waiting for me to screw up.  I do want to go to church for the community of spirituality.  My perception of God has changed greatly since I was a child.  God went from a hateful being, to a being of energetic balance and unconditional love.  It shouldn’t be surprising to me then if my attitude and understanding of church has changed as well.  Though I haven’t found an answer to the question whether I will or will not go to church, (I probably will give it at least one try), I am glad that the issue came up.  It showed me that just because you are on the spiritual road does not mean that you ever stop seeking the company and companionship of like minded people.  After all a road walked with friends is easier to walk, than the road walked alone. 

Finally the Truth

For those of you who might be curious once you reach the end of this week’s blog, yes I had my husband read it before hand. Now that I've piqued your curiosity, enjoy!

Tasty Tidbit #1:  Busy with Other Things

            So, I’m supposed to be typing out this week’s blog, but I find myself busy with other things.  For a change I’m not distracted by the usual things, like housework or a general fear of writing, instead I am distracted by writing itself.  I had tried to take a short nap when I got home from work, (my husband’s sleep schedule is still crazy due to his recent deployment and return), but as I laid there a story kept playing through my head.  I got the idea while I was at work, but I hadn’t done much with it other than make a quick note to myself.  Now the story was in my mind and taking on a life of its own.  I knew better than to just lay there, if I did I would write the whole story in my head and it would never see the light of day or the page.  I have a tendency to write my stories beginning to end in my head and then when I go to write them down I can’t remember the wording that I used, or a scene and so I get frustrated and let the story go to idea heaven, where so many good ideas go.  Tonight, even though I felt I must type out the blog, I felt I must type out at least the intro to my idea.  It took me longer than I would have liked, I was starting to feel the time pinch, but I did manage to get the idea started and I have to admit I liked it.  So, here I am now fully present and ready to share with you this week’s adventure. 

Tasty Tidbit #2:  This Stuff Really Works (Or Was it Gravity?)

            I am currently a patron of the laundry mat.  I have to say it’s not as bad as I imagined it would be.  That might be because I go during the week and at 7 o’clock in the morning.  When I go, I get my washers started, then turn one of the chairs that next to a folding table and set myself up to write.  There is something a bit hypnotic about the sound the washers and dryers make, it puts me into a slight meditative state.  This week once I got my chair and my pen ready, then walked over to the drink machine to get myself a bottle of water.  I put in two dollars, got seventy-five cents back, and no water.  I heard the bottle drop and the sound of the bottle getting stuck.  I’ve been working on my go with the flow zen chi centeredness, so I calmly walked to the office door (after slamming my palm into the machine).  The manager lady was on the phone so the Universe decided that patience would be Sara’s lesson for today.  I sat down at the table and decided to write out my experience. I had just started to write when I remembered something a psychic/healer had told me.  She had said that you could Reiki anything, which much I knew, but she told me that you could Reiki things with your eyes.  You visualize one of the Reiki symbols on your eyes and then direct that energy at whatever you wish to Reiki.  I thought what the hell, as long as I don’t have to stand in the middle of the laundry mat with my hands on a soda machine why not try.  So I did.  I took a moment to center and visualize, then I looked over my shoulder at the machine and visualized the Reiki flowing from my eyes to the machine.  I visualized the bottle of water coming loose and dropping out the slot.  I did that for about thirty seconds, my neck was at a funny angle and I don’t have much of an attention span.  I went back to writing about the experience.  It was less than thirty seconds, I had written about two lines, in fact I was writing about remembering the Reiki eye trick, and I heard the bottle drop out of the machine.  I turned around to stare at it.  This shit really works, I thought!  The skeptic in me wonders if it was the Reiki or gravity?  I would prefer to think it was the power of the Universe, but then isn’t gravity the power of the Universe too?  Either way, I got my water. 

Tasty Tidbit #3: Feeling Needy

            I’m not really a touchy feely kind of person.  I prefer my space.  I’ll give hugs to those in my close inner circle, but rarely to those outside it, unless there is no way around it.  I don’t feel the need to cling to my husband or anything like that.  Today I felt a nagging neediness.  When I was at work I gravitated towards my friends.  They moved and I moved.  I was conscious of it, and didn’t like it, but it came from a need that I couldn’t quite explain.  The thought that kept going through my head was that I wanted to be by people.  I felt a need to be sheltered in a way by the proximity of my friends and family.  When I got home, I was tired, but I really wanted to snuggle up with my husband.  I have to admit that my pride got in the way of that, and I made myself go to bed without the benefit of human companionship.  I thought I was just being stupid.  However, as I write this I realize that I was mistreating myself by not allowing myself to follow through on my need and for belittling myself for it.  Just because I am not normally needy, doesn’t mean that I’m not human and don’t have moments when I need comfort just like the next person.  My need must have sprung up from somewhere, though where exactly has yet to be determined.  I just thought it would make an interesting tidbit and give me an opportunity to *hug* all of you.  After all you can’t hug someone without getting a hug in return.  I know makes you gag a little.  Get over it J

Finally the Truth:  AKA    The Perfect Relationship for Me

            I’ve been wanting to write this blog for awhile.  For every blog that makes it to posting there are two that did not.  For the most part they are written down in one of my many journals, or yellow notepads, or on my computer and filed under some random title.  Others, like this one, don’t see the page.  I write them out in my head and file them away in my brain, either to be forgotten or to stew.  This one stewed.  And stewed, and stewed, for months.  My reasons for not writing this blog, or more my reasons for not posting it is a short but important list of personal concerns.  At the top of the list is that it involves people who might not want to be mentioned and might not be over enthusiastic about what I had to say.  My point in creating this blog was to be able to share myself and my writing with others.  Though I am more than happy to protect the names of the not so innocent, I found myself very unhappy at the prospect of censoring myself.  I went as far as talking to Alton about the situation.  Though no particular advice was offered up, it did bring the subject straight to the surface.  I knew even as I wrote what I thought would be this week’s blog, that I would be writing this one.  The time for the truth had come. 

            Those in my close inner circle, which now includes all of you, knew that there are troubled waters on the marriage front.  Seven years, four deployments and God knows how much time apart was tearing at the fabric of marriage.  I have no intention of going into further details, though I need my audience to have a basic understanding so you can understand my action and the result. 

            As many of you know, and I might have mentioned in past posts, I am a big fan of vision boards.  I used a vision board when I was looking for a new vehicle with fast results and exceptional success.  I tend to put a statement or affirmation in the middle of my board.  For my Jeep I just put “The perfect new or used vehicle for me.”  That was it.  I like simple.  I figure the Universe knows exactly what I am looking for and can probably come up with something even better than what I can come up. So I put the intention and let the Universe work.  What I have to say next is difficult.  I would like to say that I put my new affirmation up in hope that it would save my marriage, but that would be a lie.  I put up my new affirmation in order to let the Universe do what it will.  If I was to stay with my husband fine, if not, so be it.  That might seem harsh, but that was not my intention.  My intention is never to harm, or to be cruel or hurtful, my intention was for peace and for the highest good of all in the relationship.  My affirmation was simple “The perfect relationship for me.”

            I had gone around and around about how to word the affirmation.  I had consulted with most of my friends on the matter and it always came back to the same thing.  What was perfect for me, would be perfect for whoever I was with, that was my intention.  Of course, I know that no relationship is without its flaws, but I figured that the Universe was smart enough to get the point.  So, I put my affirmation up and waited.  It took about two weeks, which is a long time in my world of creating.

            The Universe is funny.  No, I didn’t meet someone, nor did my marriage magically improve.  Instead, I had a rather profound realization.  The perfect relationship for me was the one I experience with myself.  I realized that as I create a perfect relationship with myself it allows others to share that experience with me.  When I am centered and balanced with myself, when I am comfortable with myself and love myself, I stop putting everything off on my friends and family.  It comes back to those expectations again.  This time for some reason it made so much sense to me.  I was (once again) looking outside myself, and to someone else to make my world a better place.  I was awestruck by the simplicity of the message I was receiving.  Get happy with yourself, create a true relationship with yourself and everything else will fall into place.  I realized that by accepting myself and standing in my personal power, I am centered and open, allowing new energy to enter into my life.  That which is perfect for me is perfect for those who I share myself with. 
            I had been so caught up in what was wrong with my marriage that I had forgotten what was good about it.  I had also got so trapped in drama that I forgot who I was, I forgot my center.  The more off center I became the worse the situation looked.  That of course is when the finger pointing and the blaming starts.  Suddenly that other person is responsible for all the wrongs in your world and you can’t remember when anything was right.  With my newly remembered insights in hand it was easier for me to come back to my center once again.  It made things a bit easier when my husband came home from deployment.  Things are not perfect, and there is a lot of healing that needs to take place on both sides.  I still slip and fall away from my center, drama can be so alluring, but it is easier now for me to remember that I am the creator of my world, and that at any time I can come back to my center.  I can’t tell the future but I do know this: that the relationship I truly seek is perfect harmony with myself. 

Working in Harmony: The Creator and the Instrument

Tidbit #1: You Can’t Force a Tidbit

            I was sitting here trying to work out a tidbit, and the truth is, you can’t force a tidbit. 

Working in Harmony: The Creator and the Instrument 

            Here’s the question of the day kids, are you the instrument of the Universe, an object through which the Universe can manifest itself, or are you the Creator, with the capability of creating whatever you wish in your personal reality?  Are you just a pawn moved around by the Universe, your object in life being to listen to the Universe and move the way you are directed, or are you the master painter, the mover of the pawn?  The truth is you are both.

            I didn’t get that at first.  In fact, when these questions came about I was busy wallowing in self-pity about my situation and yelling about the fact that the Universe was not helping me one bit.  I was frustrated, tired, and on top of that sporting a head cold that caused my right ear to be blocked up with fluid so I could barely hear.  Frustrated, would be an understatement.  I felt like the Universe was pissing in my cornflakes, and had put ants on my toast.  Bastard, Universe.  I was flipping off a sign that said peace and wanting to punch the next person who told me that patience was a virtue.  I was stomping my feet, and sobbing my brains, all to no avail.  I felt confused and I hated it.  Here I was again in confused land.  I just wanted it to make sense, I wanted an answer, and I wanted it now.  I was tired of waiting, tired of being patient, didn’t I deserve an answer? 

            In a way this emotional explosion was a good thing.  It got everything out in the open and cleared some space on the inside.  On the other hand, I was so busy yelling about how the Universe wasn’t helping, that I couldn’t hear the Universe trying to help, until we got to those questions.  I was yelling with Teresa at the time when these questions came about.  We were, I felt having a spiritual break down, at least I know I was.  The messages were conflicting.  Go with the flow, be the creator of your Universe, which the hell is it?  I wasn’t in the place to figure it out at that moment, but thankfully the insight did manage to find its way to me.  I was trying to follow one path.  Either I was an instrument of the Universe and I followed the guidance I received, or I was the creator of my reality and I followed what I came up with.  I didn’t really get the fact that these two work in harmony with each other. 

            Here’s how the answer came to me, or at least my best attempt to explain it.  We decide there is something that we want to bring into our lives, for instance when I needed a vehicle.  I knew I needed a vehicle before my husband came home.  I knew that I wanted a low payment (under $300), I wanted a low interest rate, low miles (Below 50,000) and the vehicle needed to be no older than a 2005, really I wanted something newer than that, but wasn’t sure what kind of deal I could get.  I had a very clear vision of what I wanted, even though I didn’t know what kind of vehicle I was looking for exactly.  I knew I wanted something big enough to haul all my animals, plus some extra room.  So I had my goal, my vision, whatever you want to call it.  Then I started looking at vehicles.  I looked at stats, and vehicles themselves.  Jeeps kept popping up everywhere.  I took this to be a sign and followed my intuition.  When the day finally came to purchase my Jeep, I followed my intuition then too.  The Universe worked in harmony with my vision to create what I wanted in my reality.  I truly felt like my Jeep was created for me, it was just waiting for me to find it there on the lot.  I got everything I was asking for. 

            Sometimes I think it works the other way as well.  The Universe needs us to help someone so we are guided to go to a certain place, though we may have no idea why.  The other day I had two instances of people calling to me out their car windows.  Both women needed help, one directions, the other had been parked in.  If I hadn’t been open and available I might have missed an opportunity to be an assistant for the Universe. 

            So it’s not just one or the other, it’s a harmonious working of both.  I am both a creator of my reality and an instrument of the Universe.  The trick is to figure out which you are at the moment.  In my fit of being confused, I realized that the Universe was waiting for me to tell it what I wanted.  I needed to be clear about what I was looking for, just like I was with the Jeep.  In a way, it’s like refilling a Pez dispenser.  I had put all the candy from one pack into the dispenser when I wanted a new vehicle.  With each piece of candy that I popped out I got closer to my goal of having a new vehicle.  One piece was a listening piece, when I was directed by the Universe.  Another piece was a personal goal of low payments.  With the last piece the vehicle was acquired and the goal fulfilled.  The part I missed was to refill the dispenser.  Though I have additional goals, none of them are clear, so how can the Universe help me?  I was there for those two ladies, so that tells me that I am available for the Universe, however, I need to be available for myself as well.  I need to pick which flavor I want to put in my dispenser next and then work on getting to my goal one piece at a time.  I need to find a balance of listening and moving.  I listen to be inspired by the Universe, than I move toward fulfilling that dream or goal.  I need to check to see which part of the dance I am on.  Am I leading, aka creating something, or am I listening and being directed?  Neither outweighs the other, it’s just a matter of being aware of which step you are on so that you can move more quickly and effectively towards your goal or the cooperative goal you have with the Universe. 

            Sometimes we are inspired by the Universe to move in a certain direction and sometimes we think of something we want to bring into our lives and then the Universe moves to help us achieve that goal.  Something tells me that it’s all the same, but for the moment this is how I understand it.  I don’t see myself as separate from the Universe; I know I am a piece of the Universal puzzle.  Without my piece the puzzle can’t be complete.  If I think the Universe is putting ants on my toast, that just means that I am putting ants on my toast, and making myself very unhappy and hungry.  So I take the piece of toast outside, set it in the grass and watch a tiny army devour my breakfast.  I have to remember that I hold the power to go make a new piece of toast, just as I have the power to make new dreams.  The Universe really is a candy store, just waiting for us to make our selection.  We have to be clear about what we want.  We may not have all the details and that’s okay, leaving some play for the Universe is always a good idea, but it’s important to be as clear as possible.  Once set in place it becomes our job to move and listen as needed and to know which is needed when.  The only question is, which flavor will you choose?