Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Kaleidoscope Perspective of Identity

Tasty Tidbit #1:  Additives
            Last week I was chatting about learning to make yourself happy and that people are often mirrors for us.  There was one point that I had discussed with friends that I wanted to include in that blog, but in the frenzy of typing forgot.  Since, I feel it has significant relevance to the topic I thought I would share.  While it’s a great thing to go within and find our own happiness, there is a part of us that yearns for that happiness to at least be acknowledged by someone else, to get the flowers, and the compliments. I think it’s a matter of balance, which is fast becoming my favorite word.  We are human and as I have mentioned in earlier blogs that is something we must accept, not just set aside.  We are also here to learn and grow spiritually; great we can do that too. So for me I believe that being able to go within and create your own happiness is the spiritual side.  Then we have the human side with wanting acknowledgement.  I think we need to have a balance of both of these to live our lives fully.  If you tip the scales one way or the other you lose a part of who you are and so are thrown out of balance.  The part that might be difficult is not allowing that human part to cause tension and stress.  If you ask for the flowers and he remembers, fabulous, kiss that boy.  If you ask and he does not (especially if he hasn’t in the past), don’t get all upset.  This is the moment when you need to take a breath and remember that you are the creator of your own happiness, and go buy yourself the flowers.  It’s moving from tension and stress, to acceptance, to happiness.  It’s remembering balance.

Tasty Tidbit #2:  Keep Questioning
            When I was about fifteen I wrote a document, for lack of a better word, called To Question the Answer, To Answer the Question.  Catchy isn’t it?  Though not a particularly crafty title the paper had a good point.  In this paper, which was seventeen pages long, I wrote questions.  One question would lead to two more questions.  I probably could have gone on longer, but my fingers hurt from typing.  It wasn’t teenage questions like, does Billy like me, or will I go to college, nah that would be too easy.  Instead it was questions like, what is the purpose of life, what is a soul, etc.  Every question that I could come up with about the spiritual realm.  I decided to show this paper to a woman that I knew, to get her input on it.  She flipped through a couple of pages; eyebrow raised, and then handed it back to me.  She told me that the paper was defiant, that I should be more accepting of the universe as it was, not question the hell out of it.  She also said that the paper proved that I was a new soul, and that this was obviously my first lifetime here.  She suggested that I focus on getting myself in order and get rid of the paper, that once I had gone through a few lifetimes I wouldn’t ask so many questions, I would simply know the answers.  At this time I was still convinced that everyone around me knew better than I did, so I decided to get rid of the paper.  It was like I had offended God in some way, by asking my questions.  I felt ashamed that I had wasted so much time writing such an offensive document.
            Fast forward a few years and here I am.  Okay, maybe a few more than a few, but you get it.  Now I see that I gave this woman all of my power and allowed her to tell me what was best for me and where I was at.  At the time what she was telling me didn’t resonate with me, but I didn’t know how to express that and I thought she’s older than me she must know better than me.  Well now I know better.  I think questioning is an important part of the spiritual development process.  We must question.  I think it’s when you stop asking questions that you fall into danger.  True there will be certain beliefs that you decide are yours to keep and that you accept them as they are, but there will always be new things popping up and you need to look at those things and ask the important questions.  How is this affecting my spiritual growth?  Is this a nudge from the Universe that I need to do something or change something?  Is it time to let something go in my life?  Asking questions is not an act of defiance it is an act of intelligence.  My grandmother likes to say, “Use the brain God gave you.”  Well, I agree.  You have that great brain to help you along your way, so use it to ask.  Asking questions is one of the greatest tools we have for our spiritual growth, don’t be afraid to use it and keep questioning!

The Kaleidoscope Perspective of Identity

            I am not the same person now as I was then.  Then no longer exists, therefore who I was can no longer exist.  I can only see who I am Now.  The Kaleidoscope has turned and another magnificent perspective of me has emerged.   
            There is a death occurring inside of me.  Now nobody panic, I don’t mean a physical death, I happen to be a very healthy person (not creating just describing,J).  There is however an undeniable change going on.  If you asked me to pinpoint an exact date when the change began, I couldn’t tell you.  I first started to notice a difference about a month ago, though I’m guessing the process began much earlier, that’s just when I happened to notice things.  Food started to taste funny.  Not, hahaha, funny, or terrible, just off.  Foods that I enjoyed like bread, pasta, and dare I say chocolate, had funny after tastes and I didn’t enjoy them so much.  I tried different things but the result was the same, things just didn’t taste right.  The only thing that tasted good was lemonade, which to me was silly since it was February, but it tasted so good that I ordered it everywhere I went.  Fresh squeezed was the best, but I took what I could get.  My friends asked all the important questions, like was there a metallic taste in my mouth (that’s a bad sign I guess), the answer was no.  Was I sleeping okay?  As well as I sleep.  There wasn’t a good answer for what was going on with me.  After about a week and a half I decided to do what’s called the Master Cleanse or the Lemonade Diet.  Basically, you drink a mixture of lemonade, grade B maple syrup, and cayenne pepper (which you think would be gross, but it tasted great).  You mix these together in the morning and drink it throughout the day.  No eating, just drinking.  I had thought about trying this cleanse, and believe me you cleanse, about a year before, but decided there was no way I could do it.  I guess I was ready now.  I wasn’t hungry and I wasn’t tempted to eat while doing it.  Typically, you stay on this cleanse for ten days, but I decided to listen to my intuition and make my own decision on when to stop. 
            My process lasted three days.  On the third morning, while I was making my daily dose of juice, I felt that the process was finished.  By that evening I felt that it would be alright for me to eat something.  In this cleanse they suggest that when you come off of it, to eat fruits and vegetables to gently get your body used to eating solid foods again.  Well, I just don’t like following directions do I?  I went to dinner with a friend and had the most beautiful piece of catfish and a stack of steamed vegetables.  The colors were so bright it was shocking and the taste, OMG!  Yes, I said that.  I couldn’t get over the flavors.  I didn’t eat all my food, though I did eat all the vegetables (so I kind of listened).  The amazing thing was the cooked carrots.  My whole life I have hated cooked carrots.  Ask my mother, or anyone in my family.  I detest the carrot.  Raw is okay, cooked are disgusting.  Not so much anymore.  I love cooked carrots, in fact, for the first week after the cleanse I couldn’t get enough of them.  They tasted so good, they still taste good, I might even make some tonight.  The change in taste was so drastic it really was unbelievable.  Carrots are not the only food that my taste has changed on.  For example, chocolate, my beloved chocolate, how I miss you.  Actually, that’s a lie, I don’t miss it.  The smell of chocolate makes me want to run the other way.  I was a chocoholic people!  I considered myself a chocolate connoisseur.   I haven’t had chocolate in over a month now and don’t plan on eating it any time soon.  Same thing with pizza, white bread, ham (my once favorite sandwich meat), fast food, and the list goes on.  The fact is something in me is changing and I’m not the only one.
            Though spring is usually the season of cleaning out and getting rid of the old, I see people all around me cleansing out their lives.  Most of my friends have stopped drinking soda and given up fast food, turning to healthier food options.  Gym memberships are up and it’s not because of the New Year, it’s because there is an underlying energy, a current of motion that is moving us forward.  The more people get in line with it, the faster it flows and the easier it is to get on board.  I woke up one morning and decided that my hair needed to go.  Technically, I wanted half of it shaved off, but thankfully I have a smart friend who does hair and she worked her magic on my head.  I refused to look until she was done, she was kind enough to turn the chair so I wouldn’t peek, it was so tempting.  When I did open my eyes I was shocked, I looked like a whole different person, which was the point in having it done.  BTW, everyone should get their hair done by her, email me and I will get you her information!  She is awesome! 
            I look in my closest and I’m confused about the clothes I see there.  Whose are these and did they really wear that in public?  Where are all of my clothes?  I continue to go through the things in my house, wondering why I kept so much for so long.  Internally, I can sense a change as well.  When I go to the gym, I can feel my body coming alive, even to a cellular level.  My body just feels so alive!  When I sit down to meditate I feel a different change.  The belief system that I have built up is being renovated.  It is causing some confusion and even so conflict.  The old system of understanding and belief is not going as quietly as chocolate did.  The word, but, comes up a lot.  But this is how I believed it before, or but this is how I see it now.  The new will eventually push out the old, but I’m not sure when or how.  My whole system of being is changing, and, for me at least, that is no small thing.  It is as though every aspect of me is being altered in some way and not in small ways either.  That is when I have to remember that we are not meant to stay the same.  We are meant to learn, grow, and change.  I have not gone through a change this drastic, at least not that I recall.  It is an amazing process, and I am grateful that I have friends that I can share with, who understand. 
            For me, and I believe for many people the Kaleidoscope is turning.  There are many perspectives or facets of ourselves, and as we allow change into our lives these new perspectives shine through.  Sometimes the change is minor, you find a new talent and a new career emerges from it.  On the other hand, sometimes we experience a much larger change in our lives, where it appears that everything is being stripped down to our foundations, than being built back up again.  Often we don’t want to let go of the things that we have found comfort in.  We don’t know what this new identity will look like or how people will react to it.  However there are times when we can resist no longer.  Change will come through acceptance, or a 2x4.  Take your pick.  It’s important to keep in mind two things; 1) your highest good is always being looked after, so there is no need to panic when things begin to shift and change. 2) This new identity will eventually change too, nothing is permanent.  I am grateful to have so many people around me that are going through a similar process and even if they are not, they are understanding, loving individuals.  If you find your kaleidoscope turning, ask your friends for their support as you go through the changes you need to go through.  Don’t be afraid of the changes, even if they might be something completely different from what you are used to, like carrots.  You might find in the end that you love them, and that you love who you become.

1 comment:

  1. have you tried mushrooms??? :) Thank you for reminding me again about clearing! I think that has ended up in the back of the filing cabinet in the brain God gave me! Change absolutely can be frightening. We become very comfortable where we are. You're right though! We are here to grow, learn, and change!

    Also for the record, the stupid lady that told you to chuck your paper.. needs to be chucked! HOWEVER, it may have taken a few more than a few years, but it created a wonderful lesson for you! Guess she played her part well! Would love to have seen the two of you writing that out on the Other Side before you came here! haha! Loved this post, Sara!