Thursday, March 31, 2011

The F*CK IT Solution

Let the booze flow!!
Twice the tequila, twice the fun!

Tasty Tidbit #1:  Idiots = Entertainment
            Let me talk to the guys for a second.  Look guys, if you wear pants that are so tight, that I should be able to see your penis bulge but I can’t, you need to get some looser pants, because you are just embarrassing yourself.  Also, in the matters of sex, never announce to anyone, let alone a stranger that, “That’s above your level.”  We will laugh at you! (And post that shit on our blog!!)
Tasty Tidbit #2:  Sub-Species (Courtesy of Teresa)
            Stupid people, what more can we say right?  I guess every species has a lesser species, from whence we came, even sphincter gnomes.

The Fuck It Solution
            My guess is there will be people who don’t really like the title of this blog.  I would further venture that some people would say that the blog title is tequila induced and while I might have an incredible urge to get naked, the premise of this blog was conceived while I was completely sober.  I admit that trying to type this after having two and a quarter of a half margaritas is proving a wee bit challenging.  No, I’m not a big drinker and in fact it’s been about two months since I last imbued.  But drink I did tonight and under the wire we are.  Thank you, Yoda.  Let’s do our best to stay on track here. 
            So, what is the Fuck it solution you wonder, let me tell you.  There comes a point in a person’s life when they must say Fuck It.  This occurred recently for a friend of mine.  She has been caught in the middle of a divorce for over four years now.  Her husband, some day to be ex, promised her certain things.  He cheated on her, gave her a curable STD, (thank God cause I am pretty sure she would have killed his ass), and then he refused to do the things he said he would do, not that, that should be surprising in any way.  So, for four years she has held on, hoping that at some point he would capitulate and agree to do what he said he would.  Not so much.  On a night when a friend (Alton actually) listened to me and assisted me in release, I was able the same night to turn around and do the same for my friend, let’s call her Sally. 
            Sally called me needing a friend’s advice, more than that she wanted me to tell her the truth.  Don’t tell me I don’t look fat in the pants, just tell me the truth.  So I did.  I told her she needed to just let all that shit go.  She needed to say fuck it!!  She knew that he would not uphold his end of the agreement no matter how long she held on.  I told her that by holding onto all that energy she was blocking herself and her future.  It came down to Sally wanting/needing to be right.  Sally thought that by him finally doing the things that he said he would do that she would finally have a victory over him, she would have won, he would have lost, but in this case the only person that was losing was, Sally.  The longer that the divorce dragged on the tighter she held onto the belief that everything would come out okay in the end, that this struggle would be worth it, but trust me, the end does not justify the means. 
            As she listened to me explain about her energy being stuck and needing a release, she said that she had felt this coming for awhile, but she didn’t want to let go.  Again it was that she needed to be right in the situation, and don’t get me wrong I was in her corner cheering her on, but what she really needed to do was let it go.  Instead of gripping this conclusion of illusion she needed to see what holding onto this relationship was doing to her.  To say that it was destroying her life would not be too much of an understatement.  For a long time we viewed this as He was destroying her, but really it was Sally, destroying Sally. 
            When we get caught up in the overwhelming need to be right the only thing that can happen is that we will get stuck beyond belief.  It turns into one of those vicious circles and we end up chasing our own tails for eternity.  We don’t need to be right, we need to release.  That’s what saying fuck it does, it offers us release.  We often think in this lovely spiritual world that when we accept something and/or release something we have to like or love what we are accepting/releasing.  I don’t think so.  That my friends would be impossible.  Some pills of life just suck.  No matter how well intentioned you might be, no matter how much you want to be the Zen Buddha of acceptance, it ain’t gonna happen.  You are going to swallow that pill (acceptance) because you know it’s the best thing you can do for yourself, but you don’t necessarily have to like it.  Hence, fuck it.  Saying fuck it can seem like a crass way to reach acceptance/release, but in some cases, it’s the only way.  It’s not a pretty way, it’s not the love, compassion way, but it is a way to get to that release, and the point is to release.  To feel some relief about your situation in life.  To begin to open up and allow new energy to come in.  Some of the most powerful energetic shifts have happened in my life the moment that I had a crying, screaming fit at God/Spirit/the Great Whatever.  Release brings in new energy; it allows space for that energy to come in.  In Sally’s case, she couldn’t find another relationship, no matter how lonely she might be because she had not released the energy of her old relationship.  She wanted so badly to be right in the past that she was willing, though somewhat unconsciously, to sacrifice the future.
            Of course, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t want to be right, we’re human we want to win, we want the gold star, but we need to make sure that we don’t get stuck in that need to be right.  We need to open up, pop the cork, and release.  Don’t wait until it builds up volcano style and you find yourself spewing all over the place.  If that happens and it probably will at one point in your life or another, don’t condemn yourself, just recognize it for what it is and move on.  We get so stuck on needing to find the root of the problem, that we forget to move forward.  Find a way to release the energies that are holding you in place, and if all else fails, say Fuck It!

Thursday, March 24, 2011


“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.”  Christopher Reeve
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."  Ambrose Redmoon

“The hero is one who kindles a great light in the world, who sets up blazing torches in the dark streets of life for men to see by.”  Felix Adler

            Tell me your story.  My heart loves to write, and to write with purpose is even more fulfilling.  It has always been at the back of my mind to write people’s stories, to share those stories with the world.  This will be my first attempt at doing just that. When you go to buy a car you don’t expect to have some spiritual revelation, or to hear a tragic story, well most people probably don’t.  You go to buy your car, plunk down your money, weasel the salesman who is weaseling you and hope for a decent interest rate.  I admit that when I walked onto the sales lot of Sisk Auto Mall that is exactly what my intentions were.  I was on guard that day, a few days ago I had visited another car lot and the salesman there had nearly shoved a car down my throat.  So my plan here was to hop out of my car, check price tags, hop back in, and drive like hell before the salesman even had time to reach me. 
            That plan failed.  I did hop out of my car, and did try to see the price tags, but none were present.  I could see the salesman approaching.  I decided to try to head off any inquiries by telling him I was paying by way of POA.  This usually slowed the sales people down, though admittedly not much.  Mr. Moore introduced himself, and told me that a POA was no problem, dang it!  I admit I was harsh on him at first, my last experience so firmly entrenched in my mind that I was refusing to give him an inch.  I asked the prices of the three vehicles I was looking at and then asked about warranties.  Mr. Moore answered my questions in this calm peaceful voice, so that when he asked if I would like to take a test drive, I agreed without really thinking about it.  His tone and manner had disarmed me.  There was stillness about him that I liked.  He wasn’t trying to throw a car at me and he appeared to be listening to what I was saying.  Shocking, I know.  He retrieved the keys in a timely manner, which was fortunate because I forgot my coat and it was drizzling out.  A true gentleman, he actually offered me his coat at one point in the conversation. 
            Of the test drive of the vehicle there isn’t much to tell.  I loved it the first time I slid into it.  Mr. Moore just sat peacefully in the seat next to me, commenting on the weather.  He asked how the vehicle felt, and beyond that he was quiet.  I really, really, liked that.  It gave me a chance to feel the vehicle, rather than dodge salesman quotes from the bible of the car salesman.  In fact, I brought up questions about purchasing the vehicle, and his only question was, when would I like to buy?  My answer was, today would be good.  It was on returning to the car lot that things began to unfold.  We had to wait for the finance guy (isn’t that always the case?), and so Mr. Moore filled the time by asking me if I liked fishing, horseback riding or hunting (yes to the first two, no to the third).  He showed me a picture of his little daughter with her horse.  The two looked like best friends.  I said as much to Mr. Moore who laughed and said yes, it was Chandler and Dixie against the world.  He said that his daughter had made him promise that if anything ever happened to her that he would not sell her precious Dixie. 
            I was surprised that a nine year old would be concerned that something would happen to her.  At first I was concerned that she might be sick, or someone she knew was sick.  The only other explanation that I could think of was that something tragic had occurred in her young life, that made her keenly aware that life is altogether too short.  Curious, I asked Mr. Moore about it.  My friend Mardi has taught me the importance of asking questions.  Mr. Moore told me that there had in fact been a tragedy in their family, quite recently too.  Turning back to his computer, he carefully typed in the words Seton Hall Shooting, and I was introduced to Jessica.
            Jessica Ann Moore.  Her pictures are beautiful, her story one of the most tragic I have come in personal contact with.  It is one thing to hear of a school shooting, it is quite another to sit across a desk from a father who lost what no father should bear to lose.  I vaguely recalled hearing about the Seton Hall shooting, but like most things that are not in direct contact with our lives I shook my head at the loss, gave a silent prayer for the family, and moved on with my life. Today that story came back full force and I sat in stunned silence as I listened to Jessica’s story.  The list of Jessica’s accomplishments is amazing.  Jessica had recorded two singles, co-founded a program called Drop Out to Degree, her college goal was to become a psychologist to help assist soldiers returning from war.  Jessica graduated from high school with honors and was an honor student at Seton Hall University.  The list of her accomplishments goes on and on.  Her greatest accomplishment, however, was her final act. 
            On September 25th 2010, Jessica was attending a fraternity party.  A man attempted to come into the party, however he was denied entry.  The man returned later that same evening, gun in hand.  The suspect began shooting into the crowd and proceeded to shoot Jessica’s friend in the face.  The man continued firing and in an act of bravery and courage, without hesitation, Jessica threw herself over her injured friend.  She was shot in the back of the head and killed.  Jessica died at age 19.
            As Mr. Moore gave me the details of the story, showing me pictures of his daughter and sorting through news stories I was consumed by the need to share this story.  It moved me in a way that I didn’t understand, nor did I care if I understood.  I simply wanted as many people to know Jessica as possible.  To know about her accomplishments, to know of her bravery, to know that she had given everything in service to another. 
            Mr. Moore told me that in a strange series of events Jessica’s headstone was being replaced.  At first I thought someone must have damaged it, but I was wrong.  The money for the headstone had been paid, but a few weeks later when someone went to check on the progress of the stone they found nothing but an empty building with a lock on the door.  Thankfully, Virginia Burial Company (I believe that was the name of the company) reviewed Jessica’s story and is generously replacing the headstone at no cost to the family. 
            After he had finished telling me Jessica’s story, I asked Mr. Moore if I could have permission to write about it.  He said that would be fine.  Mr. Moore told me that they had made t-shirts with Jessica’s picture on it.  At his home, the t-shirt is folded up in a chair, in Jessica’s chair.  Though Jessica may have left us too soon, we are blessed with her memory and the examples that she left for us to follow.  To me, Jessica is a beacon of courage and unconditional love.  I am truly blessed to have been honored with her story.  For those of you out there who are wondering, and hoping, yes Jessica’s friend survived.  Thank you, Jessica, God Bless You!

Links to Learn about Jessica  One of Jessica’s singles “I Cry”

Thursday, March 17, 2011

A Point of Personal Pride

Tasty Tidbit #1: I Hope the Beer You’re Drinking is Green!!
            Good Evening, everyone!  I bet you thought I forgot about ‘Ritas and Rants, never!  May you be blessed tonight with strong green beer, lots of Irish lovin’, and a pinch if you’re not wearing green.  Get into the spirit and have one for me!  May you also be blessed with a designated driver who doesn’t mind carting you home.  Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

A Point of Personal Pride
            So tonight’s ‘Ritas and Rants was one step off from being cancelled.  Well, maybe not cancelled, but certainly put on the shelf, with a, to be continued label on it.  I wrote out this evening’s blog, this evening. The last couple of weeks I have written the blogs ahead of time, but somehow this week got to Thursday, while I was still on Monday.  I woke up this morning thinking it was Friday, then panicked thinking I missed Thursday altogether and missed posting my blog.  My cellphone corrected me on what day it was, but knowing it was Thursday and I had no blog, did not do a whole lot to cheer me up.  I spent most of today, avoiding writing.  I went grocery shopping (though with great reluctance), played FreeCell, even did homework (gasp).  Around six I decided it was time to start dinner, and start writing, whatever was holding me back could be overcome once I got my butt to the computer and got my fingers moving.  Well it was a good theory.
            Technically, it worked.  I wrote out a blog that would have been this evening’s except for one problem.  I didn’t like it.  The blog sounded like some whiney baby had gotten a hold of my computer and proceeded to wallow in a pool of stinking self-pity for a thousand words.  Not to mention I was completely unable to wrap it up.  I had gone so far off course from where the blog had begun, that I was try to make a U-turn from hell to get back to the point.  Frustrated, I read the blog to Teresa.  I don’t like sharing the blogs beforehand.  I don’t know why, I just like it to be a surprise; I like it to be fresh.  I know, I’m weird.  Anyway, I read it to her and I could see some reluctance on her face.  I knew she didn’t not like it (oh, double negative there, nice), but there was something off.  First and most obvious was the way I had veered into left field or into another ballpark even.  Second, was the tone of the piece. It just didn’t sound like me.  Well it did, because I wrote it, but it wasn’t the tone that I wanted to present to people.
            Teresa asked me what I could change so that I would be happy with the blog.  I told her that if I was going to change it, I was going to toss it.  I was tired and frustrated, not really wanting to start over, yet not knowing how to end it either.  Teresa suggested that I file an extension on the blog.  Simply state that I would write it tomorrow.  The idea had merit and I admit that I was ready to agree to put the blog off for another day.  Friends are great for talking you out of and into things.  In this case Teresa managed both.  As we continued talking, Teresa reminded me that this blog was about, and for me.  Who cared what anyone else thought?  Good points all around.  I could feel myself relaxing into the idea of going home, exercising and then going to bed.  Yeah, no green beer for me L. 
            As I got into my new sexy Jeep, man I love that thing, thank you Mardi for the reading/advice about my new baby, you’re awesome, I started thinking about what Teresa had said.  My mind kept coming back to her point that I was writing this blog for me.  For me to practice writing, for me to have an outlet.  When I got home, I went back through my journal where I had originally written down my ideas for this blog.  There was nothing there talking about other people; everything I said was wrapped around this blog being an expression of and for me.  So why was that statement bugging me?  Was I still looking for the gold star, the pat on the back or the compliment?  Probably.  I decided that exercise was the solution to clear the muddy waters of my mind.  As I worked out, I started thinking that I had two simple choices, write the blog or don’t. 
            Writing the blog tonight meant starting from scratch.  It also meant getting back in my sexy Jeep and driving back to work to post it, since I don’t have internet at my house (a problem that will be solved tomorrow morning, thank you God!).  Not posting the blog meant getting to bed at a decent hour.  As I was making these rather extensive lists of pros and cons in my head, another thought snuck in.  By not doing the blog, I was giving up. I had made the choice to put everything else, including FreeCell and homework, in front of something that I care deeply about.  I was making a conscious choice to not follow through on what I loved.  I must admit, the taste of that thought was not a pleasant one.  I thought about writing my blog and dragging my butt back to work to post it.  When I thought that, I could feel a pulse of energy move through me.  By the time I was finished working out I knew that I would be back at the shop in no time typing out my blog and posting it.
            For me, posting the blog is not just about fulfilling a commitment to myself, it’s a point of personal pride.  It’s finding my center and sticking to it, no matter what I have to do.  It’s is declaring that this is important to me in ways and words that I cannot begin to describe.  That no matter what happens, this I will do.  Even as I type the words, I smile at myself for thinking even for a moment about filing an extension. I could find no greater joy at this moment than knowing that I have fulfilled my commitment to myself.  That I have taken the time to do what I love, and I love myself for doing it. 

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Kaleidoscope Perspective of Identity

Tasty Tidbit #1:  Additives
            Last week I was chatting about learning to make yourself happy and that people are often mirrors for us.  There was one point that I had discussed with friends that I wanted to include in that blog, but in the frenzy of typing forgot.  Since, I feel it has significant relevance to the topic I thought I would share.  While it’s a great thing to go within and find our own happiness, there is a part of us that yearns for that happiness to at least be acknowledged by someone else, to get the flowers, and the compliments. I think it’s a matter of balance, which is fast becoming my favorite word.  We are human and as I have mentioned in earlier blogs that is something we must accept, not just set aside.  We are also here to learn and grow spiritually; great we can do that too. So for me I believe that being able to go within and create your own happiness is the spiritual side.  Then we have the human side with wanting acknowledgement.  I think we need to have a balance of both of these to live our lives fully.  If you tip the scales one way or the other you lose a part of who you are and so are thrown out of balance.  The part that might be difficult is not allowing that human part to cause tension and stress.  If you ask for the flowers and he remembers, fabulous, kiss that boy.  If you ask and he does not (especially if he hasn’t in the past), don’t get all upset.  This is the moment when you need to take a breath and remember that you are the creator of your own happiness, and go buy yourself the flowers.  It’s moving from tension and stress, to acceptance, to happiness.  It’s remembering balance.

Tasty Tidbit #2:  Keep Questioning
            When I was about fifteen I wrote a document, for lack of a better word, called To Question the Answer, To Answer the Question.  Catchy isn’t it?  Though not a particularly crafty title the paper had a good point.  In this paper, which was seventeen pages long, I wrote questions.  One question would lead to two more questions.  I probably could have gone on longer, but my fingers hurt from typing.  It wasn’t teenage questions like, does Billy like me, or will I go to college, nah that would be too easy.  Instead it was questions like, what is the purpose of life, what is a soul, etc.  Every question that I could come up with about the spiritual realm.  I decided to show this paper to a woman that I knew, to get her input on it.  She flipped through a couple of pages; eyebrow raised, and then handed it back to me.  She told me that the paper was defiant, that I should be more accepting of the universe as it was, not question the hell out of it.  She also said that the paper proved that I was a new soul, and that this was obviously my first lifetime here.  She suggested that I focus on getting myself in order and get rid of the paper, that once I had gone through a few lifetimes I wouldn’t ask so many questions, I would simply know the answers.  At this time I was still convinced that everyone around me knew better than I did, so I decided to get rid of the paper.  It was like I had offended God in some way, by asking my questions.  I felt ashamed that I had wasted so much time writing such an offensive document.
            Fast forward a few years and here I am.  Okay, maybe a few more than a few, but you get it.  Now I see that I gave this woman all of my power and allowed her to tell me what was best for me and where I was at.  At the time what she was telling me didn’t resonate with me, but I didn’t know how to express that and I thought she’s older than me she must know better than me.  Well now I know better.  I think questioning is an important part of the spiritual development process.  We must question.  I think it’s when you stop asking questions that you fall into danger.  True there will be certain beliefs that you decide are yours to keep and that you accept them as they are, but there will always be new things popping up and you need to look at those things and ask the important questions.  How is this affecting my spiritual growth?  Is this a nudge from the Universe that I need to do something or change something?  Is it time to let something go in my life?  Asking questions is not an act of defiance it is an act of intelligence.  My grandmother likes to say, “Use the brain God gave you.”  Well, I agree.  You have that great brain to help you along your way, so use it to ask.  Asking questions is one of the greatest tools we have for our spiritual growth, don’t be afraid to use it and keep questioning!

The Kaleidoscope Perspective of Identity

            I am not the same person now as I was then.  Then no longer exists, therefore who I was can no longer exist.  I can only see who I am Now.  The Kaleidoscope has turned and another magnificent perspective of me has emerged.   
            There is a death occurring inside of me.  Now nobody panic, I don’t mean a physical death, I happen to be a very healthy person (not creating just describing,J).  There is however an undeniable change going on.  If you asked me to pinpoint an exact date when the change began, I couldn’t tell you.  I first started to notice a difference about a month ago, though I’m guessing the process began much earlier, that’s just when I happened to notice things.  Food started to taste funny.  Not, hahaha, funny, or terrible, just off.  Foods that I enjoyed like bread, pasta, and dare I say chocolate, had funny after tastes and I didn’t enjoy them so much.  I tried different things but the result was the same, things just didn’t taste right.  The only thing that tasted good was lemonade, which to me was silly since it was February, but it tasted so good that I ordered it everywhere I went.  Fresh squeezed was the best, but I took what I could get.  My friends asked all the important questions, like was there a metallic taste in my mouth (that’s a bad sign I guess), the answer was no.  Was I sleeping okay?  As well as I sleep.  There wasn’t a good answer for what was going on with me.  After about a week and a half I decided to do what’s called the Master Cleanse or the Lemonade Diet.  Basically, you drink a mixture of lemonade, grade B maple syrup, and cayenne pepper (which you think would be gross, but it tasted great).  You mix these together in the morning and drink it throughout the day.  No eating, just drinking.  I had thought about trying this cleanse, and believe me you cleanse, about a year before, but decided there was no way I could do it.  I guess I was ready now.  I wasn’t hungry and I wasn’t tempted to eat while doing it.  Typically, you stay on this cleanse for ten days, but I decided to listen to my intuition and make my own decision on when to stop. 
            My process lasted three days.  On the third morning, while I was making my daily dose of juice, I felt that the process was finished.  By that evening I felt that it would be alright for me to eat something.  In this cleanse they suggest that when you come off of it, to eat fruits and vegetables to gently get your body used to eating solid foods again.  Well, I just don’t like following directions do I?  I went to dinner with a friend and had the most beautiful piece of catfish and a stack of steamed vegetables.  The colors were so bright it was shocking and the taste, OMG!  Yes, I said that.  I couldn’t get over the flavors.  I didn’t eat all my food, though I did eat all the vegetables (so I kind of listened).  The amazing thing was the cooked carrots.  My whole life I have hated cooked carrots.  Ask my mother, or anyone in my family.  I detest the carrot.  Raw is okay, cooked are disgusting.  Not so much anymore.  I love cooked carrots, in fact, for the first week after the cleanse I couldn’t get enough of them.  They tasted so good, they still taste good, I might even make some tonight.  The change in taste was so drastic it really was unbelievable.  Carrots are not the only food that my taste has changed on.  For example, chocolate, my beloved chocolate, how I miss you.  Actually, that’s a lie, I don’t miss it.  The smell of chocolate makes me want to run the other way.  I was a chocoholic people!  I considered myself a chocolate connoisseur.   I haven’t had chocolate in over a month now and don’t plan on eating it any time soon.  Same thing with pizza, white bread, ham (my once favorite sandwich meat), fast food, and the list goes on.  The fact is something in me is changing and I’m not the only one.
            Though spring is usually the season of cleaning out and getting rid of the old, I see people all around me cleansing out their lives.  Most of my friends have stopped drinking soda and given up fast food, turning to healthier food options.  Gym memberships are up and it’s not because of the New Year, it’s because there is an underlying energy, a current of motion that is moving us forward.  The more people get in line with it, the faster it flows and the easier it is to get on board.  I woke up one morning and decided that my hair needed to go.  Technically, I wanted half of it shaved off, but thankfully I have a smart friend who does hair and she worked her magic on my head.  I refused to look until she was done, she was kind enough to turn the chair so I wouldn’t peek, it was so tempting.  When I did open my eyes I was shocked, I looked like a whole different person, which was the point in having it done.  BTW, everyone should get their hair done by her, email me and I will get you her information!  She is awesome! 
            I look in my closest and I’m confused about the clothes I see there.  Whose are these and did they really wear that in public?  Where are all of my clothes?  I continue to go through the things in my house, wondering why I kept so much for so long.  Internally, I can sense a change as well.  When I go to the gym, I can feel my body coming alive, even to a cellular level.  My body just feels so alive!  When I sit down to meditate I feel a different change.  The belief system that I have built up is being renovated.  It is causing some confusion and even so conflict.  The old system of understanding and belief is not going as quietly as chocolate did.  The word, but, comes up a lot.  But this is how I believed it before, or but this is how I see it now.  The new will eventually push out the old, but I’m not sure when or how.  My whole system of being is changing, and, for me at least, that is no small thing.  It is as though every aspect of me is being altered in some way and not in small ways either.  That is when I have to remember that we are not meant to stay the same.  We are meant to learn, grow, and change.  I have not gone through a change this drastic, at least not that I recall.  It is an amazing process, and I am grateful that I have friends that I can share with, who understand. 
            For me, and I believe for many people the Kaleidoscope is turning.  There are many perspectives or facets of ourselves, and as we allow change into our lives these new perspectives shine through.  Sometimes the change is minor, you find a new talent and a new career emerges from it.  On the other hand, sometimes we experience a much larger change in our lives, where it appears that everything is being stripped down to our foundations, than being built back up again.  Often we don’t want to let go of the things that we have found comfort in.  We don’t know what this new identity will look like or how people will react to it.  However there are times when we can resist no longer.  Change will come through acceptance, or a 2x4.  Take your pick.  It’s important to keep in mind two things; 1) your highest good is always being looked after, so there is no need to panic when things begin to shift and change. 2) This new identity will eventually change too, nothing is permanent.  I am grateful to have so many people around me that are going through a similar process and even if they are not, they are understanding, loving individuals.  If you find your kaleidoscope turning, ask your friends for their support as you go through the changes you need to go through.  Don’t be afraid of the changes, even if they might be something completely different from what you are used to, like carrots.  You might find in the end that you love them, and that you love who you become.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Mirror, Mirror, Yes You Are!

Tasty Tidbit #1  Mama’s Got a Brand New Bag
            Well, maybe not a bag, but I did finally get myself a new computer.  Turns out there might be a reason behind all the madness after all.  Went to Best Buy after three attempts to purchase a computer from Wally World.  Truth be told, I was being picky.  I wanted what I wanted and I wasn’t going to be happy until I got it.  I’m happy now.  I wanted a white computer, something smaller, light, that my fingers could easily hit the keys.  I have my husband’s computer but the thing barely works and the keys are spaced so far apart, it was frustrating to type on.  That is exactly what I got and I am so happy!  Now I can start posting from home again, as soon as I get internet service.  I was starting to wonder if The Other Six Days was going to turn into the other six weeks.  Just thought I would share, more good stuff coming!

Tasty Tidbit #2 New Commitments
            Last week after a conversation with friends I realized that I wasn’t working toward my goal of being a writer.  Technically, I am a writer, but what was I doing to move forward in that goal.  The truth was nothing.  Yes, I sit down and write this blog, but besides that there was no effort on my part to further my ambitions of writing.  I decided that I needed to make a commitment to myself to write every day.  So I did.  I decided that I would write every day for a minimum of one hour.  Believe me, day two I was beating my head into the desk, but damn it I did it.  I have managed to keep my daily goal thus far and hope to continue doing so.               

Mirror, Mirror, Yes You Are
            This week has been one of those weeks when the same subject keeps coming up, and no I’m not talking about Charlie Sheen, although I think he’s my hero.  What makes this so much fun is the fact that I actually wrote this blog last Friday morning.  It just feels like the Universe is falling into line with me, or maybe we are just falling into line with each other, because every conversation this week has been around the same subject.  The conversations are technically two parts.  One part is about is that no one can make us happy; we are all responsible for our own happiness.  The second part is the fact that we are all mirrors for each other.  Friday morning I was feeling a little blue because there was a certain someone who I was hoping would read and respond to this blog, but the person didn’t.  Since making my new commitment to write every day, I thought it would be a good idea to journal out my feelings.  Better out than in.  Why not spew on the paper, instead of on some innocent bystander?  Anyway, one thing that I realized I have to keep in mind is that my happiness must come from me.  If I look to another person for my happiness, I will be disappointed because that person will never be able to fulfill my expectations, only I can do that.  It is unfair for me to place those expectations on another person, to me that means that I am not allowing them to be who they truly are, but instead trying to make them be who I want them to be. 
            When we complain about someone, it’s usually because we have placed our perspective or expectations on that person.  It may also be that we see something in that person that we dislike in ourselves, but more on that later.  I am not saying that you can’t or shouldn’t be able to rely on other people for support, but don’t rely on people to give you self-satisfaction or self-esteem.  These are things that you must find within yourself and for yourself.  No one can give them to you and no one can do the work for you.  We are here to work together, to learn from each other and to participate in each other’s happiness, not create it.  Let me give you a personal example from the life of Sara.  I love getting flowers.  It makes me feel special and loved.  Don’t know why, just a chick thing I guess.  It doesn’t have to be roses, hell if you went out and picked me some dandelions I would be happy.  Anyway, for a long time I found myself disappointed and yes, angry that my husband rarely brought home flowers.  Usually they showed up after a fight or occasionally on a birthday or anniversary.  Me, I wanted flowers all the time. So, I was walking through the store one day and happened to be passing the flowers. My initial reaction was the pity party, why don’t I ever get flowers; if he would just remember to buy them I would be so much happier.  My second thought was why the hell didn’t I just buy my own flowers and make myself happy, instead of waiting and wanting someone to make me happy.  I started buying my own flowers and I was a lot happier for it.  I realized that I was placing an expectation on my husband, if you really loved me you would remember to buy me flowers.  But that’s not how my husband expresses or shows his love, so he couldn’t fulfill my expectation, so there was tension and unhappiness.  When I started buying myself flowers and showing myself love, the tension eased and happiness returned.  The turbulence caused by my needing my husband to fulfill my expectations, at least on the subject of flowers, dissolved.
            The second part of this week’s blog is the mirror bit, and it ties in nicely with you have to make yourself happy.  As I mentioned before when we complain about someone, usually it’s for one of two reasons.  The first reason is that we have placed our expectations on them, and that person is not fulfilling those expectations.  The second is that we are looking at people and seeing something in them, that we can’t stand about ourselves.  Here’s another for instance.  My husband is smart, I mean off the charts smart.  But he doesn’t do anything with that super brain of his.  He doesn’t like school and he sort of drifts through life.  He does what he needs to do to take care of his family, but he has no ambitions, except to be a Wal-Mart greeter when he retires from the military.  It annoys the crap out of me.  Here is a guy with some much intelligence just wasting it.  Then I went to breakfast with some friends.  During the conversation, it was brought up that some people stay in school because they are too afraid to walk into the “real” world.  Yes, thank you 2x4 for that one.
            I realized, after that little breakfast talk, that I was exactly like my husband.  I’m intelligent, yet I don’t do a whole lot with it.  I am sort of drifting, and I really didn’t have any goals, not even the greeter goal.  I have been in school for longer than I will ever admit on a blog, and have not really accomplished much of anything.  I kept saying that I wanted to be a writer, but when I sat down and looked at what I was doing to accomplish that goal, the answer was nothing.  So, I guess I kind of had a goal, but no motivation or action behind it.  It wasn’t fun to look at, let me tell you.  I knew at that moment that my husband was a mirror for me.  I sat at my desk and made a list of things that annoyed me about my husband. That might sound harsh, but I knew that by making that list I would be able to find areas of my life that were stagnate and that need to be turned around.  Like I said before, if it’s annoying you about someone else, even if you don’t want to look at it or admit it, it’s probably the same annoying thing inside you.  I knew that looking at the list would be beneficial for me, not a criticism toward my husband. 
            As I wrote the list out, the mirror began reflecting like you wouldn’t believe.  I saw several things that when I took the time to examine them, were most definitely in me, not just my husband.  I made myself sit there and write out how I thought a particular thing was reflected to me and why and then if it was something that I desired to change, I wrote down different ways that I could begin changing.  I made sure to take it in baby steps; I didn’t want to overwhelm myself because that would defeat the purpose. In a way, doing this exercise brought me a lot of relief.  It also brought me a lot of clarity, not only about myself, but about my husband.  It helped me understand better where he was coming from.  That of course made me wonder, if he is a mirror for me, am I a mirror for him?  Even more fun, what am I reflecting for him?  He would be the only one that could answer that, but it is fun to think about. 
            So what expectations are you putting on other people?  What are you doing to make yourself happy?  I think people should make it a point to do something once a week that makes them happy.  We don’t often take time out for ourselves; instead we put that expectation on other people.  Look at your partner, your co-workers, your friends, what are they reflecting to you?  Are there things that you see in them that might be lurking in your own personality but you haven’t wanted to admit it?  Take some time to actually notice what the people around you are trying to show/teach you through reflection and we will all begin growing at exceptional speeds.